Regret
by NeverRoses
Summary: Roy has already had a bad day, but after a little piece of his past catches up with him, Roy is being crushed by regret. He punishes himself for everything he's done, especially in Ishbal. Will his subordinates find out? Implied HughesRoy *ANGSTMUFFIN*
1. Abigail

**Title: **Regret

**Author: **NeverRoses

**Summary: **Roy has already had a bad day, but after a little piece of his past catches up with him, Roy is being crushed by regret. He punishes himself for everything he's done, especially in Ishbal. But what happens when his subordinates found out? implied HughesRoy

**Chapter 1: **Abigail

2929292929292929292929292929

Roy Mustang sighed and set the paperwork on his desk. He had finally finished all of today's paperwork. It was about time too, it was already dark out, and well into the night.

"Finished, sir?" Came a voice from beside him. Without looking he answered.

"Yes Hawkeye." He closed his eyes and crossed his arms and legs. He let his head tip backwards over the seat. "Is that all of today's paperwork?"

Riza Hawkeye walked to the side of the desk and gently picked up all the papers.

"Yes, sir." She said, smiling, obviously pleased that he had done his work today, complaints aside. Roy cracked one eye open to watch Riza leave to deliver paperwork to wherever they were headed next, maybe even to the next victim of the paperwork turned essay. Riza opened the door and walked out, quickly snatching her coat as she did so, meaning after that she was leaving. The door made a soft sound as it shut. He sighed.

He jolted when the phone rang. Glaring at the phone, he watch it for a minute. The ringing of the phone made the phone shake very slightly against the place of which it was being held. Roy reached out and grabbed the phone, leaning forewards.

"Colonel Roy Mustang." He said cooly into the phone, a slight tired tone under his usual speaking voice.

"Hey Roy! You still Shirking and Procrastinating?" Maes' voice chirped into the phone. Roy tapped a finger against his desk.

"Actually i got my paperwork done, is there any _other_ reason you called Maes?" He asked, slightly annoyed by his friend's immediate assumption.

"That's amazing! And yes, i _Do_ have another reason for calling!" Roy's ears already throbbed from hearing whining from various other people, and Maes' exceptionally loud hyper voice wasn't helping. Judging from the tone of voice it could only be one of four things; Gracia, Elysia, Invitation to go drinking since he finished paperwork, or he was getting promoted. "You won't believe what just happened!"

_'Elysia. It's totally Elysia.'_

"Gracia called and told me she caught Elysia in our room trying to read some of my books! Gracia got some pictures and she's going to show them to me when i get home! It's gonna be so _cute_!"

_'Totally fucking knew it.'_

"That's _great_ Maes. I gotta go now, okay?" Roy started to move to hang up the phone.

"Wait Roy, Wait! I haven't told you the best part of it!"

"No Maes."

"Come on! It's adorable!"

"_Later_!" Roy quickly slammed down the phone. The phone ring yet again. Roy grappled the phone.

"WHAT." He growed into the phone.

"Remember to get a wife!" Maes' voice sung into the phone.

"FUCK YOU!" He yelled, throwing the phone down so it hung up, bounced, and dangled off his desk. From where he stood he could see a crack in the phone.

Today had been especially stressful, Fullmetal had come in and annoyed him, then breda accidently pulled a little office prank on him (which resulted in a bucket on his head, a wet uniform, and a trip to the washroom to change into his spare uniform), There was more paperwork then usual which was due by the end of today, and Maes had annoyed him 'til he was about to go into an annoyance coma.

Well, the day was almost over anyway, so he could leave in ten minutes or so. He yawned and leaned back, spinning the chair around so he could look out the window. It was dark.

It was raining...

In-fucking-credible.

He bent his arm back and opened his drawer, pulling out his gloves and closing the drawer. Sighing, he gently slipped the gloves into his pockets and rose from his seat. Turning on his heel, he placed a hand on the top of his chair, spinning it around and pushing it in. With another small yawn he cleaned his desk so it would be ready for another day of necessary murdering of free-time.

Opening the door he heard loud, running footfalls. "The fu-" He turned only to be bowled over by the unknown 'Attacker'. The doorknob smashed into his back and the door opened, sending him onto the floor of his office. He fell back onto the floor, hard. "FUCK!" He yelled, his day was getting worse and worse. He gingerly sat up, holding the spot on his back which the doorknob had met his back.

"Dammit...! Asshole!" He heard a familiar voice. He looked up at the person who had crashed into him.

"Fullmetal, what the hell are you doing here!?" He yelled, carefully getting to his feet. Ed looked up at him, glaring.

"I need information abou-!"

"Tommorrow!"

"The stone could b-!"

"It can wait!"

"Bu-!"

"NO!" with that final rejection he reclosed his door and stormed down the hall away from the annoying teen.

"Fine! I don't need your help!" Ed's voice yelled from behind him. Roy rolled his eyes and quickened his pace. Everyone in the halls who passed him kept their distance until he had left the building.

292929292929292929292929292929292929

Roy hated the rain. He stood outside the door of HQ, protected by the balcony hanging over it. He mumbled curses under his breath. Watching others who came out scamper away quickly through the rain to a car or just break into a run down the street. The door opened and he watched as a grumbling Ed came out and walked away, not knowing he was there.

"Damn colonel. Wish he'd just drop dead or something." Ed's voice grumpily growled. Roy frowned.

_'Really.'_

Roy absent mindedly took the glove from his pocket and rubbed his thumb, index, and middle fingers together, managing tiny little sparks, even in the damp weather.

"Wish i'd drop dead huh?" He mumbled to himself, smirking. "Sure you do."

"I do."

Roy gasped as a voice came from his left. Whirling to the source, he was slightly surprised when there was a girl in a black cloak, the hood down. Her extremely pale blonde hair, nearly a whitish color, was long and went to about mid back. Her hair covered the left side of her face, part of the cloak covering her nose and mouth. The only visible part of her face was her closed right eye. Roy stood straight, looking down at the young girl, probably in her early teens, no taller then Ed.

"What are you doing here, this is a military base." He asked, using an athoritative voice. He looked her over. Only then he noticed the tanned skin.

"I know it's a military base." She said, opening her eye, it was red. Roy 'hmph'ed and narrowed his eyes.

"you are Ishbalan, aren't you."

"You should know i am." She said, glaring at him. "I was there when you killed my parents." Roy bit his lip.

"I was ordered to."

"you were ordered to burn my parents to piles of burning flesh, right in front of me. Then you burned our house." Roy opened his mouth to say something. "This is your fault!" She yelled. Roy could hear several people inside the building chatter and leave rooms, probably come out to see what was happening. She jerked her head up, the blonde hair falling from her face and part of the cloak falling into her neck below her chin.

Roy choked.

The hidden parts of her face were burned horribly. Her other eye was burned shut and so was part of the left side of her mouth. Scarred skin looked shiny and deformed as if they had started to melt. Her hand came up, it held a gun. Her hand was also badly burned. Her pinky was shriveled and looked very blackish. Her middle finger was yellowish white and split open from knuckle to nail, it had healed, but looked horrible. The rest of her hand was like her face, deformed from burned. "I was trapped in the burning rubble, thanks to you!" She seethed. "I'm Abigail Xera and you ruined my life, remember that." She used her burned thumb to click the safety off. "Die!"

_'No!'_

Roy flinched and closed his eyes, throwing his hands up. He snapped his fingers and he heard an inhuman scream.

his old mental wounds reopened, he could only run.

"Your fault!" He heard her scream once more before he could hear the dull thud of her body hitting the ground, dead.

2929292929292929292929292929

Roy shakily took out his keys and attempted to unlock his door. His shaking hands fumbled with the keys and jabbed the door several times before finally being inserted into the keyhole. He turned the key and opened his door, ripping the keys from the door and slamming it.

He immediately went to through his bedroom and into his bathroom. He yanked off his one soaked glove and threw it onto the sink counter. He turned on the sink and thrust his hands into the cold water. He leaned down, splashing the cold water onto his face. Gasping into his hands, he coughed, some of the water on his hands being sucked into his lungs. His eyes watered as he coughed a couple more times.

_'I'm a horrible person!'_

Roy's mind cursed and screamed at him.

_"Your fault!"_

Roy gripped the sides of the sink and looked into the mirror. He stared at his reflection and growled, punching it.

The mirror shattered, shards flying everywhere. Roy lowered his fist and gripped the sink again. Pieces of the mirror fell from his fist where they had embedded themselves in his flesh.

_Clink, Tink_

Everything was silent except for his heavy breathing and the sound of mirror shards hitting the floor.

_"...you ruined my life, remember that."_

"How could i forget...?" Roy whispered to himself. He winced as he noticed pain in his right wrist. He lifted his wrist to his face and saw a long shard of mirror buried in the skin of his wrist. He gently took hold on the shard and pulled a bit. He hissed as he pulled it out, the wound on his wrist growing slightly larger. He stopped, shard halfway out. Roy blinked, staring at the wound. The pain, it felt good. It throbbed, but it hurt so good. Grabbing the shard he carelessly ripped it out, the wound being torn longer and larger. He stared at the cut. It was maybe a centimeter or so deep and an inch or an inch and a half long. He stared and looked at the mirror shard. Pressed the shard against his wrist he looked at it for a moment. He hesitated.

Then ran it across his skin.

2929292929292929

Shitty, but in general okay.


	2. Accident

**Title: **Regret

**Author: **NeverRoses

**Summary: **Roy has already had a bad day, but after a little piece of his past catches up with him, Roy is being crushed by regret. He punishes himself for everything he's done, especially in Ishbal. But what happens when his subordinates found out? [Some MaesXRoy]

**Chapter 2: **Accident

2929292929292929292929292929

Roy Mustang signed the last paper and set it aside in the large pile at the corner of his desk.

"I'm finished Lieutenant." He spoke softly. Riza hawkeye had been sitting down in a chair near his desk, eyes closed, probably resting, waiting for a time to fire a blank into the nearest seat cushion to get him back to his paperwork. Her eyes snapped open, turning to him with unnatural speed.

"Finished? Already?" She said, skeptical. Walking to the corner of his desk, she picked up the stack and gave it a quick flip-through. To her extreme surprise, the paperwork was finished. She looked out the window, it was still the middle of the day. "Are you feeling alright, sir?"

"Of course i am." He said,rolling his eyes. Riza narrowed her eyes at him but took the stack away anyway. Maybe she had fallen asleep for a while, 'cause she didn't hear any complaining As the door closed, roy was left alone in his office. He stared at the phone for a moment and wasn't at all surprised when it started ringing. He quickly the up the phone, gently holding it.

"Colonel Roy Mustang."

"Roy! You still-"

"Shirking and Procrastinating. No." He finished Maes' question in the form of a comment.

"You know me too well! I got the picture from gracia after work yesterday! You should see it! She's as cute as a little button!"

"Come in later and i'll take a look at it. I'm sure she's adorable." He said into the phone and sighed.

"Ro-?" Maes was cut off as he hung up the phone. This whole day had been much less stressful. He had taken Fullmetal's taunts until he had stopped bothering him, he took breda's office prank and decided it would be too much trouble so he wandered around in wet clothes most of the day, he had ignored most everything else and gotten mountains of paperwork which were due today in record time, and he thought he had handled Maes quite well by just caving in.

He turned around and noticed, it was raining.

Huh. Two days in a row. Weird.

He looked down at the drawer where he gloves were and opened it, quickly putting them on. Standing, he pushed the drawer closed and walked towards the door. As he reached the door it flew open, the side of the door swinging towards him and smashing against his forehead. He took a single step back and looked up towards the ceiling.

"Yes Fullmetal?" He asked in a normal tone.

"Hey colonel bastard. I couldn't find any documents about the great water, so i DEMAND documents righ-"

"Document library three, ask Sceiska, i'm sure she can help you." With that he looked down at him. "Could you please move, then again you really don't have to since your short enough that i could easily step over you." He said in a bland voice, the insult was halfhearted.

"Who are you calling so short he looks like an ant even when put under a magnifying glass!?" Ed yelled, throwing a punch. Normally Roy would have easily dodged the sluggish punch and nearly fried his microscopic ass, but this time, Roy didn't even make an attempt to move. Ed's fist connected solidly with his left cheek, his head snapping to the right, a very small bit of blood trickling from the left side of his mouth. Surprised, Ed quickly lowered his fist. "... Colonel...?"

Roy tilted his head down and spat the small bit of blood in his mouth onto the floor, a small puddle of crimson spread across the floor. "Move shorty." He said, his voice slightly more quiet. Ed growled but moved anyway. Roy quickly brushed past him. "Took you long enough."

"WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!?" Ed yelled angrily as Roy quickly walked down the hall, leaving HQ.

29292929292929292929292929292929

Roy pushed open the door to his apartment, stumbling in and quickly retreating to his bathroom. As he reached the bathroom he remembered that Maes was supposed to drop my the office later, oh well, he would come back tommorrow.

"Damn." He cursed, looking in his new mirror and looking at the dark bruises starting to form on his forehead and cheek. He felt a sharp wave of pain as his glove brushed against his wrist. He raised his left wrist and pulled down the sleeve a bit. He narrowed his eyes a bit before picking up something on his sink.

He stayed in his bathroom for quite a while. When he came out he looked pale, well, paler then usual and he had a small smile gracing his face. He slowly walked to his bed while he slipped off his military jacket. Halfway to the bed his eyes slipped shut,

and everything went black...


End file.
